| and the end came and i didn't cry |
[Aug. 10th, 2006|01:37 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | panera | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the fray | ] |
so i still don't have internet in the apartment. it lasted all of 3 hours last time so it really sucks. i came to the point that i needed to tell dr knight that i couldn't do band and so i came to panera. it was horrible (panera) but oh well life will go on.
so the end of my band life happend just like 3 mins ago when i sent the final email telling dr knight that i wouldn't be able to do band this year. kinda sad but kelly and i have been talking and so i didn't cry but pushing the send button was hard. i think i will realize that it is really oven when my roomate gose to band camp next week and is never there on saturdays. once again life will go on.
so i'm suppose to get my allergy shot today but i have a cold so not sure if that will happen or not. i feel like shit and let me tell you what it is like sleeping on the floor of my bathroom.
classes start in a week and a half and i still don't have my schedule done. whoops! oh well i will get it done on monday. |
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| it couldn't get much better!!! |
[Jul. 17th, 2006|10:57 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  geeky | ] |
so went to class tonight and found out that i got a 98% on my math test!!!! i only missed 2 points and they weren't points that would have been considered as "silly mistakes". i have an A in the class right now and as of now i don't have to take the final! i am so excited right now! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 16th, 2006|04:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
i don't know why i like these but i think they are fucking hilarious.
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| band day one |
[Jul. 7th, 2006|11:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blank | ] |
ummmmm... where to start
so i started off very happy and well it all went downhill from there. lets just say people suck.
why can people not see the obvious? i mean if it is right in front of your face why don't u see it?
and how is it that someone who is supposedly your "friend" makes you feel so fucking small? i mean really does it make you feel better about yourself?
another thing- don't tell me that you know that it sucks and that you know what i am going through because the last time i checked you were NOT me and oh yeah you don't get it.
on a lighter note i am a relatively happy person these days- take life as it comes, but i really just want to rip a head off. and i think my face is burned. :( oh and i came home and spilled soda all over my bed. |
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| woohoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
[May. 23rd, 2006|10:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | house | ] |
i signed a lease for an apartment today!!!!!! i move in on the 5th of august and rent is like 385/ month. i won a portable dvd player when i signed the lease from the wheel of prizes! today was a good day. |
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| grey's anatomy |
[May. 18th, 2006|11:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | law and order: svu | ] |
so abc has moved grey's anatomy to thursdays at 8. man that puts csi, the oc and grey's anatomy all on the same day and time. what shall i do?
oh and i am about 99% sure i will not be doing band. now i just need to go and talk to dr. k and tell him. and i will when that 99 turns to 100%. we will see. |
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| and life goes on |
[May. 18th, 2006|11:23 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the oc (recorded from earlier) | ] |
so i fell up the stairs today in front of MACC-Columbia (moberly area community college). they got a new building this year and it has big cement stairs in the front. so i go there today to sign up for a summer school calls and fell on my face. only one person saw so not too bad. i came out with a big ass dark purple bruise on my stomach and cuts and bruises all over my left leg and foot. it was fucking hilarious.
i finished my independent study today and passed the class. woohoo!!!! my grades still suck and i think everyday why i am in school. this summer i am taking 3 classes- college alg (at MACC), sociology of the family, and religion and human sexuality (both at MU).
i start work tomorrow. well not really but i am filling out the paper work and being told how much money i will be making. i think it is like 9-10 an hour but i'm not sure. i will be working on MU's campus for a man i know very well and i get to set my own schedule. i will also be doing some on the side babysitting for like 3 people- all of them plan around my schedule so that is nice.
and i think marisa from the oc just died. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 17th, 2006|10:48 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
i cut my hair off. it went from below my shoulders to above my ears. i haven't decided if i like it yet nor do i know when i will go out in public again. |
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| is it worth it? |
[Apr. 11th, 2006|04:27 am] |
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so it is almost 4:30 am so is it worth going to sleep only to wake up in about 4 hours? |
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| i like friends |
[Apr. 9th, 2006|01:36 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drunk | ] |
| [ | music |
| | grey's anatomy | ] |
so my best friend came into town this weekend and well i'm drunkish. i went to 2 honors choir concerts today and turn pages for the accompanist which i do every concert. and well i feel i messed up 4 times and she says i didn't but you know i think what i think wins. anyway then my friend and i went to see a movie and then went out for drinks. and well i drove after drinking and while i drank. ok so i'm waking up in like 5 hours so i go to bed now with my new sheets. 450 thread count sheets. woohoo. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 5th, 2006|11:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | how to save a life | ] |
so i went down to part-time status at school. i decided that i couldn't take it anymore and i had to drop italian. my teacher gave me the "you're a failure" speech on monday and so i emailed my advisor and she said that i could still get out so i did.
now i am finding that i don't feel my art anymore. we are doing a project and i just don't feel it and i can't see it. my professor and i talked about it and i just could get into it. i told her that i knew that what i had was shit but i can't do it. so i went back out and i may have some usable images.
guard auditions are coming up and well i'm not sure yet. i don't have any friends on it and so i'm not sure i want to put myself through it again. i am thinking i will try it and depending on my arm issue and the people i will decided about dropping this summer at camp.
i just don't want to do school right now but i am feeling that i don't have a choice in the matter. my life is still not up to me and i'm 21. sad i know. sometimes i just feel like curling up in a ball and sleeping all day just to avoid everything and everyone. |
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| you can always do your hair |
[Apr. 2nd, 2006|11:42 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | my bed | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the gift- seether | ] |
When all else fails you can always find something to fix. I found myself doing my hair tonight for no other reason than that is all I can fix. I’ve come to believe that your life has been chosen for you and you cannot fix things. You cannot buy happiness. You cannot slice off your stomach or thighs because you feel you are too fat but you can fix your hair so it accents your face that you have covered in makeup. You can hide from everything for only so long before you have to face the fact that life is life and that is how it is going to be.
I should be happy that my ex-best friend lied to my face continuously while we were friends about her cancer. I mean if you were dieing of cervical cancer you can’t be pregnant. Ok well you could but you should be on treatment and you would be sick thus making it hard. I went to a local restaurant to find that she is not only not dieing of cancer but 4 months pregnant and engaged. I feel enraged! I know I should feel happy for her, but I feel betrayed and jealous. How is it that someone can be so hurtful and still have the “perfect” life? Since I didn’t talk to her but another friend did maybe she is lying again. After all she didn’t look 4-months along. I will never travel to another country for a long period of time with a friend again.
My mom has been really sick. She went into the hospital on the 12th of March and just got out Monday. 15 days in the hospital including her 52nd birthday. She will be off from work until the end of the month, which is nice for her so she can recover. Its an awful feeling to feel like your going to lose a parent. I spent my spring break taking care of her so I hope she is ready for tomorrow when no one will be home to take care of her during the day. |
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| OMG!!!! |
[Mar. 10th, 2006|11:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
OMG Law and Order:SVU is now on itunes!!!!! the current season and season 1! this just made my day!!!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 8th, 2006|11:03 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
<td align="center">You are an angry drunk
You let your problems get to you when you are drunk more than any other time. You drink to escape reality, but instead, you become bogged down with all of your problems. To avoid this, try drinking only socially, and only if you are having a good day.
Take this quiz at QuizUniverse.com</td> |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 8th, 2006|06:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | rent the movie | ] |
ok everyone can thank kelly for this one:)
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| random quiz |
[Mar. 5th, 2006|02:14 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | panera background music | ] |
| You Are 84% Open Minded | 
You are so open minded that your brain may have fallen out!
Well, not really. But you may be confused on where you stand.
You don't have a judgemental bone in your body, and you're very accepting.
You enjoy the best of every life philosophy, even if you sometimes contradict yourself.
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| today sucks |
[Mar. 1st, 2006|03:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | stressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | today has been okay- by Emiliana Torrini | ] |
so i'm listening to today has been ok, and thinking today has been far from ok. it has just been shitty! i have a toe fungus that i picked up in Italy. how do i know thats where i picked it up u ask. well, i had toe surgery in junish and since my nail grew back the way it did i have had the fungus for a while. so my options are 1: get my right nail removed forever and see what happens to my left or 2. wait and see if my insurance will pay for the meds that don't really work. we have opted to have my right nail removed and then see what happens with my left toe. i can put a fake nail on so i'm not worried too much.
my photography class has become more of a pain then i thought. it just cost so fucking much and i just don't have the money for it right now. i have also lost some of my film so i am going to have to try to find some tonight. and see if i have the money for it. |
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| i'm 21 |
[Feb. 20th, 2006|09:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | exhausted | ] |
| [ | music |
| | olympics | ] |
this week has been wild! on tuesday i went on a field trip with lee elementary school. lee's school choir (4th and 5th graders) sang in st. louis and they were great. we started the day at the st. louis art museum and then we went to where we sang. some how they got me to sing in a contest (i will hear if i won in 3-4 weeks). after we left our bus driver hit a pedestrian. sad right? well not really. after a little bit it became rather funny. the lady was fine and got up denied medical treatment and walked away.
nothing really happened the rest of the week. saturday i took my cousin to see curious george. it was an alright movie i'm not sure if i will go buy that when it comes out. but oh well.
i turned 21 on sunday. after my camera breaking it turned out ok. i drank and my grandfather paid for it. i went to the store today to buy my first bottle of alcohol and it is wired i have never bought my own alcohol so i had trouble finding stuff but it was ok. i got some awesome gifts as well for my birthday. and i found out that the dmv is open on presidents day. so that is good- very good!
ok maybe more later i have to read now. and ice dancing is on. |
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| i need relationship help |
[Feb. 8th, 2006|06:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | i hope that i don't fall in love with you by tom waits | ] |
When it comes to friends I usually stay away from the guy they like, but in this case I don’t feel I should. At the beginning of the semester I fell in love with this guy from one of my classes. No big deal it was only a crush but then my friend asked me if I liked him. I said, “Yes, I think he is very cute.” Well apparently that came out as he is cute but I have not feelings for him at all.
The second week of school I switched classes and so now I am not in class with him everyday like my friend is. Well I like him now a lot more than before and we have started to talk more. The other night I was talking to my friend and I asked her if I should message him on aim. She replied with “I’m not going to talk to you about this because you know I like him.” I was like “I never got that memo, I told you that I liked him like the first few days of class.” She wasn’t even there the first week of class and thus did not know him at that time.
So I go to lab for Italian yesterday and I saw him and I was like “Holy shit (boys name) your in this lab!” He was like “Yeah, have you always been in this lab?” “Yep, I am just here usually before everyone else and sit in the corner by myself.” So we sat next to each other and got done at the same time so we left together. We were walking and I was like can I use you for a photography project? And he wasn’t really feeling it at that time so I was like I will be calling you one day.
Last night my friend, the boy and I were to go study together. Well he got there early and ended up leaving because he was tired. So when I got there I called and was like where are you, and he told me his story and I was like that’s cool I’ll see you tomorrow.
I go to photography class today and our next project is on inside lighting. So I call the boy but didn’t leave a message (if you know me you know I don’t leave messages) and then when I got home I messaged him on aim and was like “I want you” waited for a few seconds and then said “for a photography project.” He called me a few minutes later while I was washing my hair so I missed the call. I called him back and he was like I would love to do the project with you. This made me soooo happy!
I told my friend and she is mad at me now. I talked to another friend and she was like well she did say that she liked him first. Ummmm she may have told her that she liked him, but I never got the memo. I don’t understand why I should not like him because a friend likes him. I mean really if you are willing to break a friendship or get mad over this then that is pretty sad. I don’t feel that just because she likes him that I can’t talk to him. It is not like I have asked him out I have only befriended him. Should I stop talking to him? Its not like I have done anything wrong. I have not “stolen” him and he is not someone’s property. I hate being a female at times. |
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| "safe" |
[Feb. 3rd, 2006|12:42 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | sad | ] |
| [ | music |
| | world spins madly on- the weepies | ] |
I went to ihop tonight with Ashley and we talked about my man problems. She told me that I choose guys that are “safe” for me. Safe in the since that there will be no rejection or I have a good justified reason on why it would never work. With John and Alex they both live too far away. With Mark, Maggie liked him and I didn’t/don’t want to come in the way of that. Wes was in my class and now he is not so we will probably never see or talk to each other again.
The last person on the “safe” list right now is Rob. The problem with Rob is he’s gay. I hate that fact that he is soooo perfect for me. He knows what to say, how to listen and how to make you feel better. I just can’t figure out why I get disappointed or upset when he doesn’t call when is says he is going to. I mean he is gay and there is no chance in hell of him becoming ungay.
So why do we have a “safe” list? Why are we drawn to those we can’t have? I am beginning to think I will never find the one and I will die alone. I would take anyone on my “safe” list.
So I didn't go to school to day. One of my professors thinks i have had a migraine for 3 days and other for 2 days. This is not a complete lie for I did have one just not that long of one. I will be going tomorrow though and I'm sure it will be fun. |
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